Faith and Desire
by jackxnina15
Summary: SO SORRY it's been months since I updated! Last part coming TODAY I promise! A three-part songfic about Tony and Michelle's reunion in season 4. All the songs are by Matt Nathanson.
1. I Saw

**Author's Note: This is going to be a three-part songfic about Tony and Michelle's reunion in season 4, which is one of my favorite parts of all time. All three songs are by Matt Nathanson.**

**Disclaimer: The characters and most of the events belong to Fox, the lyrics belong to Matt Nathanson**

Who was this rigid, severe woman snapping orders to everyone in the CTU bullpen? No one else seemed to doubt this was Michelle Dessler, but the 'Chelle Tony remembered was nothing like this - professional skirt suit, straight hair pulled into a bun, and those _eyes_. So closed, so emotionless and invulnerable as she waited, convinced she'd made the right call on where to position the teams. Her outright dismissal of his opinion hurt more than he wanted to admit - didn't she know it was hard enough for him to hold it together with her here? And she acted so businesslike, hardly even acknowledging the memories he could practically taste flowing between them. Wasn't there any part of her longing to at least try making things right, back to how they used to be? Tony's soul ached for it, anger giving way to the passion that had always ruled his thoughts of her. Was there any chance? This was mostly his fault, he knew it - the drinking and cynicism drove her away - but was there anything he could do now to get her back, or at least find out what happened to make her into this hardened version of what he'd loved? He had to try; seeing her like this today started memories of their lives together running through his mind like an old picture show.

_And it's amazing, with a look in your eyes  
like you could save me, but you don't even try  
then you tell me again that everything will be all right_

_And if I told you that I'm sorry  
would you tell me you were wrong  
And would you hold me there forever  
if I came to you for answers?_

_I saw  
pictures in my head  
And I swear  
I saw you opening up again_

Curtis's voice broke into his thoughts, almost as tense as Michelle's own. "We have gunshots reported four blocks east of the McLennon-Forester building. Our teams aren't on site yet - either the hostiles have turned on each other, or Jack has engaged them in a firefight."

As Tony turned toward her, their eyes truly locked for the first time since she'd walked back into the CTU bullpen and his life. His breath caught in his throat. All desire to say "I told you so" disappeared as he saw her bitterly cold facade slip for a split second. A strange relief overwhelmed his concern for Jack as he caught a glimpse of the woman he'd fallen in love with, underneath the protective shell. The flash of fear and guilt in her eyes sent images flitting through his head - holding her in the back corridor the first time she broke down in his arms, saying goodbye before he was taken into custody, watching through a drunken haze as she cried and told him she was leaving.

All the resolve he'd built, not just over last few hours but the last few months, was gone in that instant. After spending so long blocking out the memories, he could still no more forget about her than forget about breathing. He closed his eyes to keep from seeing hers ice over again, and the time since they'd been happy together seemed to dissolve. Past and future blended together in his mind as he remembered what had been and imagined what could be - if only she'd let it.

_The days are  
drifting away from me  
Still wake up  
burning through everything_

_And I saw  
pictures in my head  
And I swear  
I saw you opening up again  
'Cause I would be  
heavenly  
if baby you'd just rescue me now_

**Please review and I'll put up the next chapter soon!**


	2. Come On Get Higher

**Disclaimer: I don't own 24**

"I hate being without you, 'Chelle."

Time froze.

The emotions that flooded her face - pain, regret, love, relief, anger - were the same things nearly choking Tony as he savored being this close to her for the first time in so long. There was nothing like the feeling she gave him; only with her was he absolutely content. During their months apart, he sometimes thought he'd go deaf from the relentless commotion of his thoughts. He was plagued by drunken conversations he couldn't quite remember, but couldn't quite forget - so Michelle's voice ran constantly through his head, repeating things she may or may not have said. Jen was constantly frustrated by the way he always seemed to be somewhere else, an accusation Tony knew he deserved. Even now, everything in him longed tell Michelle how much he needed her, how he would rather die than go another day alone after seeing her again, but he couldn't find the words - and he was sure she could read his eyes just as well as he read hers.

_I miss the sound of your voice  
I miss the rush of your skin  
I miss the still of the silence  
You breathe out, I breathe in_

__

I miss the sound of your voice  
the loudest thing in my head  
And I ache to remember  
all the violent, sweet, perfect  
words that you said

"Tony...I never wanted us to be this way." Euphoric shock swept over him, mixed with a near disbelief she could really mean anything by that statement. After months of the darkest despair he'd ever faced - worse than the day Nina was exposed, worse even than prison - Tony felt hope again. It was irrational, he knew, to think they could just kiss and make up; but somehow he would find a way to redeem himself to her. Even if it took their whole lives, he would show her that in spite of the mistakes he'd made and the horrible things he'd said, he loved her more than life itself. Tony didn't know what the first step was, how they'd ever start to rebuild what they'd had, but for now it was enough just to hear her say she needed him.

_If I could walk on the water,  
if I could tell you what's next  
I'd make you believe,  
make you forget_

_'Cause everything works, yeah  
everything works  
in your arms_

**Please review! Next chapter coming ASAP.**


	3. Heartbreak World

**A/N: I am so sorry about disappearing for a couple months! I'm back though, I promise, and I'm planning to do some season 7 stuff and probably at least one more S4 songfic because that's my favorite. Anyway I'm just going to leave this as a 3-part, and this last one's pretty short because the song is self-explanatory, it's perfect for them! So enjoy and sorry again!**

_Let's all pack up and move this year  
Slip the lies and disappear  
Leave memories for auctioneers  
and those just standing still_

_They'll miss the taste of wanting you,  
call out your name like I still do  
They haven't said a word that's true  
and they only hold you down_

"Please, Chelle, come away with me. Every second we stay here is a second I'm afraid of losing you. You know how dangerous this place is: Gael, Teri, George, Ryan, Paula; all of their lives were cut short just being here. And it leaves no one unscarred - think of Chase, or Jack, or us - this job destroyed what we had. There's nothing but risk and heartache for us here. Please, let's get out before it tears us apart forever."

"We've spent fifteen years of our _lives_ on these jobs - you're asking me to just pick up and leave?"

Tony bit his lip and held her eyes with his, then gave a short nod.

_In this heartbreak world of "just imagine"  
and its tired talk of better days  
In this heartbreak world, where nothing matters  
Come on let's make this dream that's barely half awake  
come true_

**********

_Let's move out of Los Angeles  
and drive until these memories give  
Forget the lives we used to live  
'cause we're gone_

_He turned to go as they reached the end of the hallway, hardly able to leave for this dangerous mission without kissing her once more._

"Tony..." He paused, hearing the change in her voice. Hope welled up inside him like the tears filling her eyes. "I can't go another day without you. I'm ready to leave here."

Time seemed to freeze and suddenly he was holding her, with no recollection of how he got there. Words failed him as he clung to her and explored her mouth with his, so familiar but so foreign after the months apart. If not for the pressure of her tongue on his and and her arms around his neck, he wouldn't have believed this was real - surely just an alcohol induced dream. She _was_ there; Tony knew he wasn't going to wake up sobbing next to Jen this time. Still, it took everything in him to pull away before they got lost in each other. There would be time for that as soon as he got home, and now he had a reason to hurry back.

_In this heartbreak world of "just imagine,"  
with its tired talk of better days  
In this heartbreak world, where nothing matters  
Come on let's make this dream that's barely half awake  
come true_

**PS - Has anybody figured out where the title of the whole story (Faith and Desire) is from? **


End file.
